Joan here..."A very brave lady named Mavis passed away last night"

My heart and soul go out to Ron, Ted & Bernice at the loss of their beloved wife and sister Mavis. Mavis passed away last night from lung cancer. She fought and fought and fought the disease and lived beyond what they told her she would. She was a positive person and full of faith! She did everything she knew to fight it. She almost made it to her grandchild's first birthday. She followed strict diets and even went down south for all those special treatments. I had the luxury and pleasure of her calling me a couple of months ago and talking and talking. She wanted to live!

I have just passed the 8th month benchmark of Rick's passing so this news is even more grievous than ever for me. My Ricki also fought and fought and believed with all his might....he too wanted to live!

I have decided to try and keep myself busy so I won't be sitting on my kids doorsteps every week. Whitemouth is where I feel my last heart beat was. Every time I go to where Rick and I were last together I am so emotional and overwhelmed in my being. I cry driving to town and I cry leaving town. My missing him, my last memories of us there, our home at the time, I want to run into that very place as fast as I can and just run back into his arms just one more time!

The loneliness is unreal! I have gotten so sad and distraught at times. Everything I have read on grieving is confirming this is all just very normal. I have been volunteering this past few weeks and I also got myself a short term paying position. Hopefully, I will be able to focus long enough to accomplish the task that I need to perform for the time being.

I really have experienced the saying "until you walk in some one's shoes you really can't even know what they are going through". The emotional ups and downs, the brokenness, the sadness, the loneliness, the confusion, the desire to be around those you feel you can trust with your true feelings and will not judge you, just wanting others to listen to you without running around with what you have told them, having the unrealistic expectation that others will perceive and understand your needs, feelings and deep loss intuitively. It is amazing at the vulnerability, the easiness in which you can be so hurt when others "don't get it". I never "got it" either before.

If you are around someone who just lost a loved one I just encourage you to be forgiving, kind, patient, understanding and tender! Even though they maybe irrational at times, unrealistic at times, angry at times, demanding at times, lonely at times, wanting to talk and talk at times, forgetting what what was just said two minutes earlier at times.....Hey, that is sure me! And that is all part of my grieving...I know... it just plain old sucks!!!

I am missing you Ricki this Easter time...remembering us decorating and cutting out those big 7 foot Easter bunnies, cooking together, and planning the Easter hunts! All the while never forgetting the true meaning of Easter....the power of Jesus dying on the cross and forgiving us all for absolutely ALL our sins! I am so thankful that as a couple we both believed in HIS love for us!

Happy Easter everyone....Sending love and big hugs from all of us here on planet earth to all our loved ones who have gone on before us at this special time!

Where am I at? Not sure if I can be really really be real about that... Here goes what I can say....I miss my darling wonderful husband every moment of the day...without exception ever!!!!!!! He is not here and I have to learn how to cope without him...."key word" "cope". I am trying to focus on other things beside me....not always easy...but I AM trying! I could cry at the mention of his name! I think that will never ever change! I am busy with trying to get family members to doctors appointments, hospital visitations, volunteering as much as I can, filling in the blanks with working at a temporary job position....just plain old trying to keep busy. As far as getting and keeping a job position it is most difficult as my concentration is so dependable on the day! I am so thankful for the various family members of Rick's family who have continued to be a source of strength and encouragement to me. They really loved Rick and honour him in every way they can! They are such an source of encouragement to me!!! Thank You!!!! It is going on 8 months and I can just not believe I made it this far without him..........I feel his presence all the time....I know he is here to help me get through this. We will be together again in eternity...he will meet me on that special park bench!!! I keep hearing his words...it will be okay "babette". When I am down and out and feeling lonely...his words come flooding back to my soul..

Joan here..."Seven Months today"

Ice Fishing in Memory of Rick today....A couple of years ago my son along with a group of guys from his work organized an ice fishing trip where they would take along Rick and his dad for Rick's last ice fishing. Rick cherished that so much that they would think about him in that way. They even brought his scooter that he was driving at the time and special equipment to make it happen.

Today, Rick's 7th month, Matt one of the guys from that group and my son, with many others are out there on the lake ice fishing in memory of Rick. I was so pleased that they were doing this and especially on this day. Rick and I would ice fish each year for hours at a time and even caught a huge one that I had mounted for him. Going ice fishing for me right now is still too painful. At times just being in a group is so very hard.

The 13th of each month is always filled with such wonderful memories of my late husband Rick. I decided that I would have a very "do nothing day". If I wanted to cry I could. Just sleep till I couldn't sleep anymore. I find it hard to believe that I haven't seen Rick for seven months. The old mind just doesn't want to wrap itself around that at all!

I had another one of those very real dreams where Rick and I are snuggled together and he and I just talk and talk for hours. In my dream, I know he is gone and has just come back to talk to me and to let me know he is always aware of what is happening and how I am doing and that he himself is doing okay.

It is hard to wake up from these dreams as I just want to stay there with him.

I am so missing you Ricki...sending hugs and kisses your way!

Joan here..."Please Mark your Calendars"

ALS Society upcoming events----



1. Cornflower Gala, Saturday, March 12, 2011.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Western Canada Aviation Museum

5:30 pm Cocktails, 6:30 pm Dinner, open bar

Live and Silent Auctions

Deadline for the RSVP invitations is March 4th, Friday, 3:00 pm.


2011 Cornflower Gala promises to be one of the highlight events of 2011. Come dine, dance the night away under the planes in the Hangar of the Western Canada Aviation Museum. This event includes an open bar and a delicious four course meal highlighted by a decadent dessert table with a chocolate fountain.



Dance Music is provided by Mr. E & The Jazz Gumshoes.



The evening also features both live and silent auctions, with prizes that include a trip for two anywhere WestJet flies, a balloon ride for two, luxury stays at some of Winnipeg's finest hotels, and much, much more.

Tickets $140.00 ($70.00 tax receipt)
For tickets or information call 204-831-1510
Email: HOPE@alsmb.ca



The next two events are so hard to even post about as this will be the first year Rick will not be here in body to participate in the garage sale and walk. He always looked forward to seeing everyone each year! So please try and make it if you can in memory of Rick and in helping to prevent this from happening to some other family. Thank you so much!

2. May 21th, Saturday Katie & Tia's 3rd Annual ALS Fundraising Garage Sale
Whitemouth, MB


Katie's raised the stakes once again this year. The girls are more determined than ever to raise money in memory of their beloved Grandpa Rick. All proceeds from the garage sale go to the ALS Society of MB to help find a cure and to help the society to provide equipment. For more information or questions please call Val 348-3074 or email jvtk@mts.net.



3. Whitemouth Walk for ALS Friday, May 27th, 2011.


This will be the 4th Annual Whitemouth Walk for ALS in memory of Louise Lamaga (former school teacher) and Rick Fewster. You can download your pledge forms from the ALS website at http://www.alsmb.ca/ For more information contact Jennifer Staerk 204-348-2595, email jstaerk@sunrised.ca or Val 204-348-3074. To contact the ALS Society of Manitoba call Sharon at 204-831-1510 email HOPE@alsmb.ca or Brian at 204-837-1270 email bcampbell@almb.ca

Joan here..."The wonderful world of Skype"

I have rediscovered the wonderful world of "skype". It is so nice to be able to talk to others who live far away and see them while you are talking. I have been spending hours on it lately with family from Edmonton way as my cousin Jill is scheduled for an artery bipass this week.

Because her immediate family do not live near here I have been filling in for them. Her sisters and I have been coordinating her appointments, surgery, and post surgery plans too make sure nothing will be missed in her care.

I have been busy going back and forth to Health Science Centre this past couple of weeks. It has been emotionally draining at times as memories flood in each time about the times Rick and I were there for his appointments, operation, and etc. When I see someone in a wheelchair it instantly takes me back in my mind about Rick in his.

Things like when I was pushing my cousin in her wheelchair and getting on the elevator. Remembering how Rick loved it that I always made sure he was backed in not pushed in. That way he could face the elevator doors.

I was at a funeral recently for a dear neighbour, John, from way back in my growing up years. He had Parkinson's disease. This man had a son, Jack, who a number of years ago when he was in his 30's died of ALS. Now one of his other sons, Jeff, had an aneurysm recently and has left him in a wheelchair, unable to speak etc. At the funeral his young wife was sitting next to him with their two small children.

After the service Jeff and his wife were sitting at a table where she was putting meds in a syringe to put into Jeff's feeding tube. I just stood beside them and gasped as I watched her taking care of him. I did everything to just keep myself together and not break down sobbing right then and there. My heart just welled with pain for what he and her are facing. He resides at the Deer Lodge Centre right now and can't even be home with his family on a daily basis.

I am looking forward to the day when my memories of Rick will go first to the time of our life where he was not ill and we just had a normal life. Rick is still in my dreams regularly. I cherish those dreams!!!

Please do pray for my cousin Jill, Jeff and his wife and their young children.

Joan here..."6 months today"

I never dreamed I could have made it this long without Ricki. It is 6 months today since he passed and my first Valentine's Day tomorrow without him.

These dates are very raw reminders how our life together as we knew it has forever changed. These dates are a reminder of our dreams and plans that will never be. Every couple of days I still have my break down times. They usually last for a couple of days. I am finding out first hand that everything is a choice!

When I think of Rick which is most of the time....I am so amazed at how strong, brave and loving he truly was as a man even till the end! In the last year of his life I was so exhausted with just the physical daily care for him and the internal stress of knowing we may not have a tomorrow together. I didn't always see everything with a balanced perspective. A lot of tunnel vision. When you are barely hanging on to your own sanity with all the ups and downs this disease brings into your life, as a wife, I didn't have anytime to be reflective or concerned about anything other than getting Rick through his day with as much dignity and care as I could.

While going through some of our stuff awhile ago I came across a bag full of new Valentine Day Cards. I then remembered how Rick had told me he had gone out and bought me a bunch so when he was gone I would always have a new one to open each year from him. So when I found them all I did was cry and cry and hugged the package of cards. I have kept them in the bag without reading them. I did manage to count them and I have one for each year till I am 86 years old!!!!

Valentine Day for us was an "us time"! I am truly amazed how even after death he arranged for me to have an "us time". I have so many very romantic memories and times he so thoroughly surprised me with! So every year I will get to read and see something new that he had picked out for me....what a wonderful gift of love he put into place for me! It won't bring him back...but his thoughtfulness eases the pain of the loss for the day. It is something tangible!

A few lines taken from this year's card....

"...but if you're ever uncertain

of how much I care,

just "listen" to my heart..."

Missing you my dear Valentine!!!! I love everything you once were and everything you continue to be now!!!!