As I tucked Rick into bed tonight my mind floated back to this picture I came across today of him and I. Floods of memories came back! We are still so in love. If someone would have told me 14 years ago that I would be caring for him full time 24/7 in this capacity I would have never believed I could ever even manage it. But here we are, 2 years later after diagnosis!....It amazes us even to this day how we love being together and how we can chit chat non stop even through all of this! We live in a bubble...a bubble of God's Grace!!!
Our night routine kinda goes like this. Joan, can you please move my left elbow just an inch or two to the left? Then can you just straighten my toes out one more time. Would you please straighten out the fingers on my right hand for me sweetheart? The list goes on and on. His toes and hands are curling up tight as the muscles die. He is totally unable to do anything at all for himself and is totally dependant on the mercy of whoever is near to him. He is totally reliant on the kindness, sensitivity, and love of others for his care. I can't even imagine how I would be if I were in his shoes.
I think what amazes me the most about my husband is his kindness and gentleness...he does not blame God in any way for any of this so he is not bitter or angry. I see the weakness and vulnerability first hand each day as he eagerly awaits for me, as I drag myself through the room , to bring him his first cup of coffee and urinal in the morning. He can no longer dial a phone or answer a phone call, type or write any longer on his own. We are just so thankful to God that he has his speech (his voice is changing daily) and his great big forgiving heart!
I spend a lot of my time crying and crying while looking at him as he sleeps and desperately tries to breath through his bipap machine. His breathing has once again gone down hill in the last couple of weeks. If only...if only...this would be a really bad dream and not our reality!
