Joan here..."It is 16 mos today!"

The cemetary is a place that I know is not where Rick is, but a place where his bodily remains are. It is a place where for some reason every year he would want to go and tour around and tell me the same stories of the people he knew who had passed on. He would always go there and toast those loved ones that had once walked the earth. The last time he and I went there was when he went to see his tombstomb for the first time. He had picked everything out.

He could barely walk with his cane around the cemetary. I have a video tape of him doing this. I cried the whole time I was taping it as I knew the next time I would be here Rick would be laying under his tombstone.

So hard to believe that this has all happened. I have been living in a total fog this past year for sure. Emotionally dysfunctional too boot as you can well imagine! My whole world has been shaken. Until you are put in that position it is totally impossible to even begin to comphrend it at all.

I am still in a spot in my being that I don't know what I want to do to fill in the time. It is really nice being surrounded by people who loved Rick as I did. That always brings me so much comfort to talk about his silly quirks, his great humor, his tender heart, his compassion, his romantic ways, his special surprises.

Every time that I hear of someone losing someone who they loved and were so close too I just go into a tail spin as I can relate over and over again to what pain they are going through.

I keep going through one box at a time.....and believe me it is only one box at a time...as they are filled with such memories that it is overwhelming. I opened one of Rick's many cards that he had given to me and found this typed note in it. It would have been one he would have typed just before he lost his ability to type. I don't know where he found this on the internet or who wrote it originally but it was addressed to me...
To Joan,
"Love never disappears, for death is a non-event
I have merely retired to the room next door.
You and I are the same; what we were for each other, we still are.
Speak to me as you always have; do not use a different tone; do not be sad.
Continue to laugh at what made us laugh.
Smile and think of me.
Life means what it has always meant.
The link is not severed.
Why should I be out of your soul if I am out of your sight?
I will wait for you; I am not here, but just on the other side of this path."
All my love, Your husband Rick

You can imagine the tears as I began to read this. I am so thankful for the time we did have together even though it is so painful now.