Valentine's Day 2015

It is February  14, 2015....almost 5 years since I lost the love of my life.  He tired to make provision for me in every area.  If he only would have known what some have done with that trust! 


He and I talked hours and hours each day about everything. 




We, together laid out plans what we would do and how we could do things to be a blessing in our families lives.  We had so many plans that I was to fulfill as time went on ---only he and I knew what I was to do and when!


I went into the bag of Valentine Cards again this year that are there for me to open each Valentine's Day for many years to come yet.  He bought a bag full of them so each year after he passed I would have one to open from him. I tried to scan it in but my unit was working properly so I couldn't.  It is an amazingly beautiful card. It is so bittersweet that he did that!  Wonderful that he would have cared so much for me and so sad because he is not here to give the card to me himself.


His words ring in my ears.....Forever together my babette!!!!

Happy Valentine's!!!!!

Happy Valentine's Day Sweetheart!!!!! It is the 3rd Valentine's Day without Rick.  Once again I have a Valentine card that he so lovingly purchased and put away for me to open this year.  Each year when I pull out one that he pre bought for many years yet to come I am overwhelmed by his foresight and his love. I hope I don't outlive the cards yet to be opened! I can't imagine not getting a card from him!!!!

 

The inside of this year's card reads

 

"Some men search a lifetime

and never find the love they're looking for.

 

Some find her,

but don't know it

till it's too late...

 

Only a few truly realize what they've found,

and thank the stars

for their one, true love.

 

Happy Valentine's Day

from one of the lucky ones."

Ricki would have been 60 today!

This has been an up and down day thinking of all the what ifs and maybes!  It is a very stormy day today and I had to chuckle.  If Rick was here I would have planned a big party for him and would have dealt with the fact the weather is so bad!  He wasn't a person who ever sought to be the centre of attention so he probably would have been somewhat relieved that a storm was settling in!  There was that side of him and then the other side where he liked to be acknowledged as we all do from time to time. 

His 50th was hilarious!!!! I spent the day organizing him going from place to place where I know he loved to go.  One of the places was to go to the mint on a tour as he always wanted to go there.  All the way I video taped each place and all his comments...long story short....he ended up in a piano bar at the end of the evening and having to wear a sombrero walking around the stage as we all sang happy birthday to him!  He was such a good sport!

Rick could be a competitive man also.  He told me stories and stories how he went to achieve some of his successes in selling.  His passion ----people!  We was a very kind and loving man and influenced people wherever he would go!

On his 55th Birthday we had a party for him at the Whitemouth Hotel with Elvis (nee Nick) as the entertainment.  We had a blast with family and friends and the Whitemouth people coming out to help him celebrate!  He was so thrilled to see everyone who had come out!!!!

Today, on his 60th Birthday I can't even imagine what kind of a party God prepared for him with all his loved ones who are with him right now on the other side!!!!

Here is to you my beloved and forever missed husband, Ricki!!!! I love you and miss you!!!!!!!!!  Until we meet again!!!!!!xoxoxoxox forever!!!!!

Two Years and still so hard to believe!

It has been two years now as of the 13th of this month and it is still so hard to believe that Ricki is no longer here in person! 

I thank my family, friends and neighbours who have been most supporting, loving and kind during my darkest and saddest hours in my life! 

I don't cry like I used too but at the drop of a hat I can cry if I start to think of Rick.  The saddness and missing him will never go away.  I just have learned how NOT to stay in that place of thinking and just enjoy each day of living!  It is amazing what loneliness can achieve as a motivator in one's being.  I never dreamt how much a person can miss someone. Rick's love, his smile, his humour, his gentleness, his kind words, his warm touch, his spontinaity and on and on the list goes....

I have done some travelling and experienced some new things that I have never done before...zip lining....golfing....seadooing, quading and I even got to drive a new corvette!!!! It was a standard and I didn't even stall it on the highway!!!! 

I was invited to a bque with the Prime Minister of Canada recently and had my picture taken with him.  That was an amazing time.  I know Rick would be smiling over that one as we both campaigned together just before he got ill!






 

Joan here..." 18 mos later and 2nd Valentine's Day without my Ricki!!!:

This should all be getting easier right???? NOT!!!!!

It is 18 months since my sweetheart has gone and it is so difficult at times to live without Ricki. I miss him so much and I am so lonely at times without him! He was and is and will always be the true love of my life!!! We both knew that!!!

I was just talking to some people today who knew him briefly and they mentioned their memory of him to me and how wonderful and loving he was to me. I love it when we can talk about him freely!!! Their memory of Rick was how they saw us one evening dancing together and how he looked at me and how I looked at him and how they were amazed at what we were like together. When this lady shared that with me I just cried and cried because I remembered that specific evening and I know what we had together. For her to just put it all into words from an outsider's perspective was so incredibly moving!!!! That is her thoughts and memories of Rick and I together! That is exactly what I carry in my heart all the time!

I couldn't write anything on this Valentine's Day or on the 13th as it is still all so painful, Rick and I talked about this time after he would pass and how I would find it all so difficult.....There isn't a day that goes by where I don't talk to him, think of him, and wish he was here. I know that will never change!!!! In the meantime we just learn to survive and carry on. I did dig out of the bag this year's Valentine's Day card from him that he purchased when he was diagnosed!!! That in itself was so heart gripping!!!! I only have till I am 80 years old to have that honour of getting a Valentine's Day Card from him!!!!I just continually thank God for him doing that for me!!!!

I have had recently numerous opportunities in many areas to connect with others but I struggle with the ongoing fact "nothing compares to him". So it is something I have to overcome.

My sweatheart is a prince, was a prince and will always be a prince...think about it...he resides in Heaven!!!! You never get into a relationship with a widow as her spouse dwells in "heaven". :) Rick would get a great kick out of that one!!!!

I have so many questions to ask God about life and death...as we all do especially when we lose a loved one. But I have learned to somehow..not to try and figure that out but to trust God that he knows the beginning to the end and that HE so loves us all!!!!

Recently, a friend lost a son to suicide...I can't even imagine how these wonderful people are dealingwith it! Bottom line....it is not their fault!!! Why is it when someone dies we take it upon ourselves that it is somehow our fault!!!! or that we could have done more. rescued them, or, or, or....just maybe that person was in so much pain that they just couldn't handle it anymore....and for whatever reason they just couldn't burden their loved ones with it....I really understand that now!!!!

Trust God in all things no matter how painful, no matter what our thoughts are in it, no matter how we feel....we DO NOT know the end of all of this!!!!!

Joan here..."Feb 1 st today, yes...4 years"

Every time a day that has a significant memory attached to it is coming up I can feel a dip in my being. I get sad and I just mope around! I don't even have to look at the calender. It is just there. I start to mourn. When that happens to me I just go to the calender and check the date and yep....it has meaning!

It is 4 years today that my Ricki was diagnosed with ALS. If you read our blog archive about that day you will see how that day changed our life forever. That day we knew it was the worst day of our life but we had now idea what it would be like to walk it out and what would lie ahead for us!

And now here I am 4 years later from that date, on my own with Ricki gone and the worst has come to pass. It is still like a nightmare of sorts! How can one prepare for the road that lays before you when you are diagnosed with a rapidly progressive terminal disease? In plain English...You Can't! It doesn't matter what kind of disease your loved one is diagnosed with, no one can grasp it!

All I can say is that you just learn to walk it day by day...why? you just don't have a choice....when you are so deeply in love all you can think of is how are we going to walk this through together.

Even when you are handed the death sentence you still have hope....hope that you can over come this...maybe, just maybe it will go away...In our case, it did not go away and everything they said about this horrible disease came to pass. Rick lived 6 months beyond what the prognosis was. In this disease that was a miracle!

We cherished every moment we had together. Even if it meant we could just only look at each other and smile and whisper to each other sweet nothings we knew it was an incredible blessing and gift. My dear husband could talk until the end and that is what he believed God for and that is what we had!!! For that he and I were so grateful for!!!!

It is like and incredible dream to me...so numbing....so unbelievable but yet so real as I have to face each day without my beloved!!!!

I will never forget each moment of that day Ricki what we went through together! And yes Ricki, I am so glad that we "liked" each other!!!!

Love you forever my sweetheart!!!

Joan here..."Thank you my friends"

Thank you my friends from"Canada, United States, Germany, United Kingdom, New Zealand, Russia, Japan, France, Ukraine, Australia." It is so nice to hear from you all! I wish you all the best in this New Year 2012!!!!

It is so amazing how the internet can link us all together! If you have landed on this site because of someone you love that has ALS please let me know. My heart goes out to you!!!!

It is -2 C and snowing here right now.

So if you are living in a warm sunny climate take in all the rays you can for the rest of us!

Joan here..."Jan 16 th Check out CJNU 107.9 FM Winnipeg"

This month the ALS Society of MB is the major sponsor on the CJNU 107.9 FM Winnipeg Radio Station. They play 40's, 50's and 60's music. CJNU 107.9 FM Winnipeg is a non profit radio station. Nick Drobot aka Elvis sang a couple of songs Friday at 1:00 pm the 13th of January.

It was amazing that it was on the 13th. It is 17 months to the day that Rick has passed. Here I was sitting by the computer with Rick's dad and mom and listening to Nick sing and speak. I knew Rick would be so proud and grateful for what Nick was doing in his memory!

If you get a chance listen to the radio on CJNU 107.9 FM Radio Winnipeg Monday 9:00am. I will be speaking for a few minutes in regards to the ALS Society of MB.

If you live outside of Winnipeg or anywhere else in the world you can get it on computer by clicking on the link then clicking on a media format that works on your computer. http://www.cjnu.ca/feeds.shtml If you live in MB and have MTS TV it is on channel 725.

I pretty much have stayed away from being involved as my emotions are still very raw. I know in time I will totally immerse myself to help promote awareness and support when it comes to ALS. I just needed some time to work through my own pain. I have heard too many horror stories about people jumping right into things when a loved one passes. They bury themselves in doing and keeping busy and then all of a sudden down the road it all crashes down on them.

I have been told and I keep telling myself it is okay to take time off to grieve for however long I need. I remember years ago a woman I knew lost her husband in an tragic car accident in her 50's. When she was in her 70's it all came to a head. She became so depressed. It wasn't until she allowed herself to grieve that she came out of that depression. She also started to talk and talk about the life they had had together. I never forgot her and what had happened to her.

Rick and I hosted so many parties and gatherings over the years. We would go all out with the food and decorating and on and on. Since he has passed I have just stayed away from it all. There is no joy in any of that for me right now. So anything that I do these days I look at it as a step forward no matter how small the step.

Joan here..."Happy Birthday Ricki"

In earth years it would have been your 59th birthday today Ricki! It is so hard to wrap my head around the fact that another birthday is here and that you have been gone for 17 mos on the 13th which is this Friday. That means you are spending your 2nd Birthday as a spirit being! Free from pain or sickness!

I was imagining this morning how Rick you are probably being surrounded by all our loved ones who had passed on already. I pictured my dad talking to you about his latest invention ideas while you sat there encouraging him. I imagined you sitting in a boat fishing all the while you filling in your grandmas and grandpas on the latest news and catching up on their lives since they passed. I tried to visualize you getting to see and finally hear my grandpa's belly laughs and creative humour. I am sure his belly laughs echo through the heavens. I even imagined you having a cup of tea with grandma, and then you reminiscing with all the aunts, uncles, cousins, friends and neighbours and even getting to know the two brothers and sister that I never had a chance to get to know.

I imagined the host of all these departed loved ones gathering from all corners of the universe in the spiritual realm to celebrate not your earthly birthday but you just being with them. All the while all of you knowing how sad we would be feeling here on earth today because we all miss you so much!

As I daydreamed...my imagination grew and grew....I imagined how God would be giving you the biggest party ever! Choirs and choirs of angels singing, decorating the pearl laden room for you with real stars, everything full of the richest brightest colours that none of us have never seen before and the party room stretching out as far as one could see. Hey, maybe even Elvis would give you a special song!

Then I imagined you Rick looking around at the magnificent and awesomeness of God and His love for you and at that moment how you would be falling down to the ground and giving glory to God for the "present" that HE had given you and you had received while you lived on earth. And it is only now that that this present was being manifested in an ever eternal revealing way. .. because of the gift of eternal life through Jesus you were now in front of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords and that you could live now forever in health, happiness, wholeness and love for all eternity!

Rick you are so lucky as you now know God's plan for you in its entirety! I tried to imagine the joy on your face now in your new home, new surroundings and now experiencing the depth, breath and height of God's love!

I then imagined the moment that I would once again see you face to face my darling!

When I feel sad and missing you Ricki so much especially on these earthly remembrances of our special days....How can I not rejoice and be thankful to God for what HE has all done for especially you my darling Ricki!

You are so loved and so missed but I so rejoice in knowing who you are now all hanging out with!

Here's from earth to you darling Ricki..."Happy 59th Birthday!" I Love you!

Joan here..."Another Christmas come and gone"

It is so hard to believe that another Christmas has come and gone without being with my sweetheart. All I keep thinking is how wonderful it must be at this momemt for Rick to be enjoying and experiencing all the wonders of what God has had waiting for him all along. Rick is alive in a new way and in an indestructible body where sickness and pain can not live in! Wow!!!


Wish I could say it was the same here on earth but it is not yet to be. So how does one fill in that time? Hmmmm......... I haven't figured that out yet. It seems to be a moment to moment, day to day, week to week, month to month and now a year to year process. I have concluded though that the ones left behind have a much more difficult walk as we have to work through the grieving process. The greater you love... the greater the pain! Hmmm... so does that mean then to be on the safe side we should not love so deeply as it would be easier?


Earth is definitely a refining pot and a melting pot of sorts. As much as it has been lonely, hard and painful at Rick's passing on I would not change the time that we had together! He is my hero!!! He was the most loving, kind and gentle man I have ever met!


I have been reading a book called "When the Body Says No: The Hidden Cost of Stress…" By Gabor Mate, M.D. Rick's uncle recommended it. It has a chapter in it that talks specifically about ALS. A very thoughtful and interesting read. Rick's uncle's late wife and Rick both passed away from ALS. They both had similar earlier life experiences and dealt with them in a very similar fashion. This book also mentions other diseases ie MS etc. The book considers an emotional component to a disease not just a physical one.

Rick always kept his cards close to his chest. He would just flash his great big smile and make you feel special. I had known Rick for years before we got together as a couple but would not have ever guessed how he was really feeling inside. He would ask me many times to just go for long drives and long walks and he would talk and talk about his life. He would always want us to snuggle holding me ever so close. At first I was almost shocked at what I was all hearing as he opened up. We trusted our hearts and beings with each other!

I wish that for each of you reading this blog that you too could bare your heart and soul to your mate. That there would be nothing the two of you couldn't talk or share together. That kind of love comes with a warning though "Enter at your own risk...This may be the most painful thing you will ever experience should one of you pass on!" but I can say it is worth every tear!

This year I have experienced the love, the tenderness, the mercy of God in my sad, lonely and dark hours of missing Rick. For that I am so thankful for!

Where do I go from here? I have no idea! It is still day by day, month by month, year by year!
And as always.....
A toast to you my dearest Ricki, here's to one day sharing Christmas together once again, I Love you!!!!

Joan here..."It is 16 mos today!"

The cemetary is a place that I know is not where Rick is, but a place where his bodily remains are. It is a place where for some reason every year he would want to go and tour around and tell me the same stories of the people he knew who had passed on. He would always go there and toast those loved ones that had once walked the earth. The last time he and I went there was when he went to see his tombstomb for the first time. He had picked everything out.

He could barely walk with his cane around the cemetary. I have a video tape of him doing this. I cried the whole time I was taping it as I knew the next time I would be here Rick would be laying under his tombstone.

So hard to believe that this has all happened. I have been living in a total fog this past year for sure. Emotionally dysfunctional too boot as you can well imagine! My whole world has been shaken. Until you are put in that position it is totally impossible to even begin to comphrend it at all.

I am still in a spot in my being that I don't know what I want to do to fill in the time. It is really nice being surrounded by people who loved Rick as I did. That always brings me so much comfort to talk about his silly quirks, his great humor, his tender heart, his compassion, his romantic ways, his special surprises.

Every time that I hear of someone losing someone who they loved and were so close too I just go into a tail spin as I can relate over and over again to what pain they are going through.

I keep going through one box at a time.....and believe me it is only one box at a time...as they are filled with such memories that it is overwhelming. I opened one of Rick's many cards that he had given to me and found this typed note in it. It would have been one he would have typed just before he lost his ability to type. I don't know where he found this on the internet or who wrote it originally but it was addressed to me...
To Joan,
"Love never disappears, for death is a non-event
I have merely retired to the room next door.
You and I are the same; what we were for each other, we still are.
Speak to me as you always have; do not use a different tone; do not be sad.
Continue to laugh at what made us laugh.
Smile and think of me.
Life means what it has always meant.
The link is not severed.
Why should I be out of your soul if I am out of your sight?
I will wait for you; I am not here, but just on the other side of this path."
All my love, Your husband Rick

You can imagine the tears as I began to read this. I am so thankful for the time we did have together even though it is so painful now.

Joan here..." 15 months"

I can't believe another month has come and gone! We have a bit of snow and winter is around the corner to stay. It was wonderful to spend time visiting family. I spent some wonderful time with some of my cousins out west. They toured me all over!

I really enjoyed visiting with my elderly aunt also. Who knows if I will ever be out that way again to see her. The tears just rolled down my cheeks when I saw her again. So many fond memories of my childhood rolled back into mind.

The last time I was out that way was when Rick and I had gone to visit out there. Once again very bitter sweet!

Joan here..."14 months into the rest of my life"

14 months after my sweetheart Ricki has passed and how am I doing? Hard to answer that as it is so multi faceted! There isn't a morning or a night when I don't say good morning sweetheart, I miss you so much! and good night to my sweetheart Ricki---I miss you soooooooo much!!! I could cry at the drop of a hat as they say when I really stop to think of him! When I come into my place the first thing I do is say "I am here honey!!!" as I look at his picture standing on the kitchen counter.

I have the hope, the assurance and the confidence that we will see each other again one day and that is what keeps me! I thank God for the teaching I received early on in my life that has enabled and empowered me this way! God is a good God! (Thank you Jim Richards for that teaching!!!)

I have been trying to bring some organization to my stacks of unpacked belongings. Each time I open even the smallest of boxes I go into a tail spin. Each box has memories and treasures that belonged to Rick, things Rick and I shared together. I unpacked a box that had Rick's sunglasses and favorite sun tan lotion tonight and I just cried and cried as I held these precious things in my hands. So many beloved memories. The suntan lotion was expired but how could I get the courage to just throw it away? It was a bottle that he chose and he bought! If I threw it away was I just throwing Rick away? the memory of Rick away? Crazy you might think but that is the process of what my mind was going through!

The sunglasses and the sun lotion all have memories attached to them. I really think I can understand on a very small level what hoarders go through when they depart with their "stuff". Each item has a moment...a memory of a time attatched to it!

I attempted today to try and start a serious sort through some boxes. I just couldn't. I stood there and sobbed after opening just the first box! I know....why should this be so difficult??? but until you go through it you can't even imagine! Before this I know I couldn't that is for sure! It is like if I unpack this box and sort through it then I will never have another box to unpack again of Rick's. It is so difficult to explain! Even in writing this I know that God is bigger, that this is only "stuff". I know in my mind but my heart just screams something else.

To all of you who have lost loved ones who where close to you I know you will understand what I am saying here. Never would I have ever dreamed what it is like to be separated from your soul mate, the love of your life, the one who was always there for you, the one who always encouraged you, the one who always said you were so beautiful even when your hair was a greasy mess and you were wearing grubby sweats, and looking haggard and tired! A toast to you my darling beloved Ricki!!!!!!!!! I miss you so much!!!!!!!

Joan here..."Some clips from our Nick Drobot aka Elvis ALS Fundraiser"

For all you Elvis fans....

Here are a few clips from the ALS Fundraiser night with Nick Drobot aka Elvis! Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lDXlxUp6BQk&feature=share

Joan here..."Elvis will be in the Building again this year!"

ELVIS is in The Building!!!

Friday, September 23rd
Time: 7:00 pm - 12:00 pm
Masonic Memorial Temple
420 Corydon Ave (Confusion Corner)
Tickets $50.00 each - $25.00 tax receipt

For Tickets or info call:

Sharon at 831-1510 email: HOPE@ alsmb.ca

Brian at 837-1270 email: bcampbell@alsmb.ca

A special evening with 50,60 & 70's music provided by Amie's Music Servies, "The Colonel's" Auction of HOPE, and two performances by Nick Drobot "aka" as ELVIS.

Joan here..."A short video clip on the cause of ALS"

Amazing new information on what causes ALS!!!! Also a short video clip. http://www.northwestern.edu/newscenter/stories/2011/08/siddique-als-breakthrough.html

In posting this I am aware that this is coming too late to help my late husband and dear friends who have lost their loved ones to ALS. The hope is that in the near future no other families will have to endure the ravages of this disease. A cure is on the way!!! Thank you God for all the dedicated men, woman and children who had a part in all of this in their own unique way of contributing!

I am sure Ricki, Brian C, Bill G, Phil W, Ken S, Brian M, are all rejoicing about now that something is happening in finding a cure for this disease. Us wives are missing you guys down here big time!!!!!

Joan here..."Thinking of you Darling on our special day!"

Keeping busy is probably the best thing a person can do instead of sitting back and just feeling sorry for oneself. Today was Rick and my Wedding Anniversary Day! We had planned to spend many many years together. Our wedding day was a beautiful sunny hot day just like today. I thought about many of those special memories today! I laughed out loud just thinking at how we slept in the next morning and just about missed our honeymoon flight!

In keeping to try and do something on those special days...I enjoyed a wonderful supper out with my nephew. The waitress suggested a "Guinness" beer of all things. It took me by surprise especially today being our Anniversary Day as Rick would on special occasions order one. So guess what I ordered? Yep, and it was very special and dear to me! And to tradition toasted my darling beloved husband!

I must say I have kept really busy this summer and I dread the cold that is coming around the corner. We have had one of the most glorious summers after such a drawn out winter.

Widowhood is definitely not a club you would want to join at any time. Remember to hug your loved ones and tell them you love them while you still can! I can't emphasize that enough my friends!

Joan here..."One of the most difficult days of this year!"

Well, it arrived today! August 13th, the first year anniversary of your passing away! The day I have dreaded for weeks now. It has been one long, lonely and scary year is all I can say! First of all, I can't even believe I made it one year without you Ricki being physically here! I know you have been here with me in spirit!

There were times when I thought I would never ever make it! I just wanted to die and be with you!!! Most of this year has been a roller coaster ride and one great big blur! The only thing is I have been on more downs than ups!

For awhile now I have been thinking... how am I going to spend this day? How does one even begin to prepare for this day? I have been reading where it helps to really make a plan on doing something.

I usually try and go to the Sperling cemetery each month and bring some flowers to your grave. I missed June 13th as I was in Calgary at the ALS Walk with Uncle Keith so I went a week later. This month was so different as it marked the first year without you my darling Ricki.

I drove to Sperling and picked up your parents. We went out and had lunch together and then off to the cemetery. I know it is only your earthly remains there not where your spirit is but it is a contact spot of sorts. We spent time there your style Ricki! Every year you and I would go there and you would toast your grandparents and friends who had passed on and tell me stories about them all. Here we were today there in remembrance of you!!!

All of this is still so numbing and unbelievable! I don't think I will ever get over the horror of seeing what you went through during the course of your fight with ALS right before my eyes. Rick you were such an incredible brave and wonderful husband. You touched people's lives without doing anything more than flashing them that great big smile of yours. You always accepted people where they were at!

In all my life I have never met such an amazing man. In saying that, were you perfect? NO!!! You and I always laughed about that. What we had together was amazing!

I miss our talks, walks and just being together. I miss "Joan, what's the plan?", "Hey, Babette!", and I never thought I would say this....I miss your singing.

I miss you out of the blue taking my hand, holding me close, looking into my eyes and just start singing to me songs that you would make up about your love for me. Anyone who knows you knows that singing was not your gift but you would just unashamedly sing to me. Oh how I miss those times and those songs!

I miss your spontaneous dancing anywhere with me,

I miss our looking up at the stars together on a bright clear night,

I miss your incredible hugs, tender and passionate kisses, watching our favorite shows, listening to our favorite songs,

I miss being able to make plans to what we were going to do to improve the house, yard and garden,

I miss driving to work each day together and reading the newspaper to you while you drove, I still can't believe how you managed to stay on the road while having your arm outstretched and holding my hand all the way to work and back from work as you drove!

I miss us cooking a new dish together, I miss the great bargains you would find in the meat department.

I miss you always reaching for my hand as we walked or drove, or putting your arm around me.

I miss your great big grin,

I miss when I am discouraged your words "Babette, it's you and me together and we will make it!"

I miss the weekly bouquet of fresh flowers you would always bring me,

I miss the sweet little love notes,

I miss the daily morning showers where we always washed each other's hair. Because you were so tall you would always kneel down so I could easily reach your head. I miss the many times when you were on your knees how I said that was how a man should always be in front of a woman and how we would laugh about it.

I miss our nightly Jacuzzi bubble baths and how we would sit in the tub for hours talking about the day.

I miss your getting up each night and heading to the fridge to get a mid night snack.

I miss our weekly stop at KFC to get a bucket of chicken. I would eat one piece and by morning you would have eaten the other 8 pieces. You would never eat the skin and there would always be a pile in the empty bucket in the morning.

I miss the morning coffee that you would bring to me in bed. I would try and bring you some and you would say no as you said you loved to do that for me. It is so ironic because when ALS took away your ability to do that I got to bring you our morning coffee.

I miss the once a week you would paint my toe nails. You would tell me how no matter how old I would be you would make sure that my nails would be polished. I am not quite sure how you are going to keep that promise now but I am holding you to it!

I miss the many hours of sitting in a boat fishing together, the snorkeling and swimming skinny dipping style, and all that went with it!

I miss your funny little sayings, your stories, your laughter (we used to laugh and laugh together), your freedom to cry,

I miss everything about you Ricki!!!!

Even though this has been the very worst year of my life I am trusting and believing God that this has been the best year of your life!

I go over and over the words you spoke to me when we said our last goodbye here on earth, I look forward to that dance! You are so cherished, loved and beyond words missed!!! I love you so much!

God please give Rick an extra special hug today from me and take incredible care of him! I am believing you are running, jumping and exploring the universe Ricki without any limitations of wheelchairs, feeding tubes, bipaps or having to have enemas and for that I am so grateful! Forever together your Babette, xoxox

Joan here..."My deepest sympathy to Erin and family!

Rick and I became internet friends with Bill and Erin from New Zealand a few years back. Both Rick and Bill had ALS. Bill was diagnosed in September 2007, just 5 months before Rick was diagnosed. I don't even remember who found who on the internet but we did connect as they have had their own blog also. They have meant so much to us as a couple!

Bill recently unexpectantly passed away. He leaves to mourn his incredible wife and three children. When I heard the news I just sobbed and sobbed for them all. Their new journey begins.

Sending big hugs from way out here across the pond to you Erin and your family!
Please keep them all in your prayers!!!!

Joan here..."Baby Cyrus is here!"

I am so excited, baby Cyrus George is here! Today was his grand arrival! I tried to upload the pic but it didn't work.

He is such a sweet and wonderful little baby! Welcome to this world little Cyrus...I love you so much!!!!! My daughter Jen has 4 children now! 2 girls and 2 boys and informs me that the tubes are offically snipped! Can't say I blame her!

More news, Tia and Katie are going to be awared with the ALS Edmonds Award this week. How wonderful is that!!!!

I am still up and about working and trying to keep busy. Life is not easy and will never be but I am keeping busy!

Thanks for all the luv and kindness!!!!