We are in the dreaded last days, the days that we have spent in denial about, the days we didn't really want to talk about, the days that we did not want to believe would be......
We had a somewhat of a breakthrough today with Rick going to the pottie. Palliative Care Cheryl sat with me while we made our moves on dear Rick. He had so much anxiety about what was going to all happen to get him to go once again. He doesn't have much reserve to endure much moving or hoyering. We had to cancel his hair appointment today....Thanks Amber for being so understanding!!!!
As of today his meds have been doubled.
He wants to remain "with it" so he desperately tries to be brave and struggles through uncomfortableness in fear that he will no longer be with us. His meds are a double edged sword....they comfort him but also compromise his breathing....his breathing has so diminished that the whole thing is a revolving door.
He has his list of things that are important to him right now. One of the things important to him is that he will be able to continue to be brave. I told him today the trouble with him and I being the first borns in the family is that we always try to suck it up and be strong even to our detriment. I told him it was "okay not to be strong", "okay to cry" ,"okay to be sad" "okay not to be brave". I loved him just the way he is. He IS brave, he IS strong and he can have some down days...it IS okay!!!!!
He is now just facing the fact that he is sooooooo ill. This week he has taken a real down turn in his health. He isn't trying to be strong...isn't trying to give you a big grin....isn't trying.... he is resting in the grace of God, He just is!!!!!
If there are things in your heart that you really would like to say to my dear Rick....please take a few minutes and email them to me so I can read them to him....he delights in receiving emails and we go over them together in our ritual morning coffee together. It maybe through a straw and it maybe only a few sips now...but we still do morning coffee together! For that I am so grateful for. Thank you for keeping us in our prayers!
rfewster@mts.net
Welcome
This blog is about a new walk with my husband Rick & I since he was diagnosed with ALS (Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis) or Lou Gehrig's Disease or MND (Motor Neuron Disease) on February 1, 2008.
This blog was started as a way to keep our family and friends and anyone else interested in our battle with ALS updated.
So as you read this blog please keep us in your hearts and prayers.
The blog starts from the most current to the oldest entry. Rick has started to blog now also as of April 1,2008 so this site has become officially "our blog".
My dearest husband Rick passed away on August 13, 2010,
2 1/2 yrs after diagnosis. Now I have to learn how to walk in the courage, strength and bravery that he did in fighting this disease. He promised me he would be waiting for me in eternity on a park bench. Together Forever!
This blog was started as a way to keep our family and friends and anyone else interested in our battle with ALS updated.
So as you read this blog please keep us in your hearts and prayers.
The blog starts from the most current to the oldest entry. Rick has started to blog now also as of April 1,2008 so this site has become officially "our blog".
My dearest husband Rick passed away on August 13, 2010,
2 1/2 yrs after diagnosis. Now I have to learn how to walk in the courage, strength and bravery that he did in fighting this disease. He promised me he would be waiting for me in eternity on a park bench. Together Forever!