Joan here..."Thinking of you Darling on our special day!"

Keeping busy is probably the best thing a person can do instead of sitting back and just feeling sorry for oneself. Today was Rick and my Wedding Anniversary Day! We had planned to spend many many years together. Our wedding day was a beautiful sunny hot day just like today. I thought about many of those special memories today! I laughed out loud just thinking at how we slept in the next morning and just about missed our honeymoon flight!

In keeping to try and do something on those special days...I enjoyed a wonderful supper out with my nephew. The waitress suggested a "Guinness" beer of all things. It took me by surprise especially today being our Anniversary Day as Rick would on special occasions order one. So guess what I ordered? Yep, and it was very special and dear to me! And to tradition toasted my darling beloved husband!

I must say I have kept really busy this summer and I dread the cold that is coming around the corner. We have had one of the most glorious summers after such a drawn out winter.

Widowhood is definitely not a club you would want to join at any time. Remember to hug your loved ones and tell them you love them while you still can! I can't emphasize that enough my friends!

Joan here..."One of the most difficult days of this year!"

Well, it arrived today! August 13th, the first year anniversary of your passing away! The day I have dreaded for weeks now. It has been one long, lonely and scary year is all I can say! First of all, I can't even believe I made it one year without you Ricki being physically here! I know you have been here with me in spirit!

There were times when I thought I would never ever make it! I just wanted to die and be with you!!! Most of this year has been a roller coaster ride and one great big blur! The only thing is I have been on more downs than ups!

For awhile now I have been thinking... how am I going to spend this day? How does one even begin to prepare for this day? I have been reading where it helps to really make a plan on doing something.

I usually try and go to the Sperling cemetery each month and bring some flowers to your grave. I missed June 13th as I was in Calgary at the ALS Walk with Uncle Keith so I went a week later. This month was so different as it marked the first year without you my darling Ricki.

I drove to Sperling and picked up your parents. We went out and had lunch together and then off to the cemetery. I know it is only your earthly remains there not where your spirit is but it is a contact spot of sorts. We spent time there your style Ricki! Every year you and I would go there and you would toast your grandparents and friends who had passed on and tell me stories about them all. Here we were today there in remembrance of you!!!

All of this is still so numbing and unbelievable! I don't think I will ever get over the horror of seeing what you went through during the course of your fight with ALS right before my eyes. Rick you were such an incredible brave and wonderful husband. You touched people's lives without doing anything more than flashing them that great big smile of yours. You always accepted people where they were at!

In all my life I have never met such an amazing man. In saying that, were you perfect? NO!!! You and I always laughed about that. What we had together was amazing!

I miss our talks, walks and just being together. I miss "Joan, what's the plan?", "Hey, Babette!", and I never thought I would say this....I miss your singing.

I miss you out of the blue taking my hand, holding me close, looking into my eyes and just start singing to me songs that you would make up about your love for me. Anyone who knows you knows that singing was not your gift but you would just unashamedly sing to me. Oh how I miss those times and those songs!

I miss your spontaneous dancing anywhere with me,

I miss our looking up at the stars together on a bright clear night,

I miss your incredible hugs, tender and passionate kisses, watching our favorite shows, listening to our favorite songs,

I miss being able to make plans to what we were going to do to improve the house, yard and garden,

I miss driving to work each day together and reading the newspaper to you while you drove, I still can't believe how you managed to stay on the road while having your arm outstretched and holding my hand all the way to work and back from work as you drove!

I miss us cooking a new dish together, I miss the great bargains you would find in the meat department.

I miss you always reaching for my hand as we walked or drove, or putting your arm around me.

I miss your great big grin,

I miss when I am discouraged your words "Babette, it's you and me together and we will make it!"

I miss the weekly bouquet of fresh flowers you would always bring me,

I miss the sweet little love notes,

I miss the daily morning showers where we always washed each other's hair. Because you were so tall you would always kneel down so I could easily reach your head. I miss the many times when you were on your knees how I said that was how a man should always be in front of a woman and how we would laugh about it.

I miss our nightly Jacuzzi bubble baths and how we would sit in the tub for hours talking about the day.

I miss your getting up each night and heading to the fridge to get a mid night snack.

I miss our weekly stop at KFC to get a bucket of chicken. I would eat one piece and by morning you would have eaten the other 8 pieces. You would never eat the skin and there would always be a pile in the empty bucket in the morning.

I miss the morning coffee that you would bring to me in bed. I would try and bring you some and you would say no as you said you loved to do that for me. It is so ironic because when ALS took away your ability to do that I got to bring you our morning coffee.

I miss the once a week you would paint my toe nails. You would tell me how no matter how old I would be you would make sure that my nails would be polished. I am not quite sure how you are going to keep that promise now but I am holding you to it!

I miss the many hours of sitting in a boat fishing together, the snorkeling and swimming skinny dipping style, and all that went with it!

I miss your funny little sayings, your stories, your laughter (we used to laugh and laugh together), your freedom to cry,

I miss everything about you Ricki!!!!

Even though this has been the very worst year of my life I am trusting and believing God that this has been the best year of your life!

I go over and over the words you spoke to me when we said our last goodbye here on earth, I look forward to that dance! You are so cherished, loved and beyond words missed!!! I love you so much!

God please give Rick an extra special hug today from me and take incredible care of him! I am believing you are running, jumping and exploring the universe Ricki without any limitations of wheelchairs, feeding tubes, bipaps or having to have enemas and for that I am so grateful! Forever together your Babette, xoxox

Joan here..."My deepest sympathy to Erin and family!

Rick and I became internet friends with Bill and Erin from New Zealand a few years back. Both Rick and Bill had ALS. Bill was diagnosed in September 2007, just 5 months before Rick was diagnosed. I don't even remember who found who on the internet but we did connect as they have had their own blog also. They have meant so much to us as a couple!

Bill recently unexpectantly passed away. He leaves to mourn his incredible wife and three children. When I heard the news I just sobbed and sobbed for them all. Their new journey begins.

Sending big hugs from way out here across the pond to you Erin and your family!
Please keep them all in your prayers!!!!