This blog is about a new walk with my husband Rick & I since he was diagnosed with ALS (Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis) or Lou Gehrig's Disease or MND (Motor Neuron Disease) on February 1, 2008.

This blog was started as a way to keep our family and friends and anyone else interested in our battle with ALS updated.
So as you read this blog please keep us in your hearts and prayers.

The blog starts from the most current to the oldest entry. Rick has started to blog now also as of April 1,2008 so this site has become officially "our blog".

My dearest husband Rick passed away on August 13, 2010,
2 1/2 yrs after diagnosis. Now I have to learn how to walk in the courage, strength and bravery that he did in fighting this disease. He promised me he would be waiting for me in eternity on a park bench. Together Forever!

Saturday, February 14, 2015

Valentine's Day 2015

It is February  14, 2015....almost 5 years since I lost the love of my life.  He tired to make provision for me in every area.  If he only would have known what some have done with that trust! 

He and I talked hours and hours each day about everything. 

We, together laid out plans what we would do and how we could do things to be a blessing in our families lives.  We had so many plans that I was to fulfill as time went on ---only he and I knew what I was to do and when!

I went into the bag of Valentine Cards again this year that are there for me to open each Valentine's Day for many years to come yet.  He bought a bag full of them so each year after he passed I would have one to open from him. I tried to scan it in but my unit was working properly so I couldn't.  It is an amazingly beautiful card. It is so bittersweet that he did that!  Wonderful that he would have cared so much for me and so sad because he is not here to give the card to me himself.

His words ring in my ears.....Forever together my babette!!!!

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Happy Valentine's!!!!!

Happy Valentine's Day Sweetheart!!!!! It is the 3rd Valentine's Day without Rick.  Once again I have a Valentine card that he so lovingly purchased and put away for me to open this year.  Each year when I pull out one that he pre bought for many years yet to come I am overwhelmed by his foresight and his love. I hope I don't outlive the cards yet to be opened! I can't imagine not getting a card from him!!!!


The inside of this year's card reads
"Some men search a lifetime
and never find the love they're looking for.
Some find her,
but don't know it
till it's too late...
Only a few truly realize what they've found,
and thank the stars
for their one, true love.
Happy Valentine's Day
from one of the lucky ones."

Friday, January 11, 2013

Ricki would have been 60 today!

This has been an up and down day thinking of all the what ifs and maybes!  It is a very stormy day today and I had to chuckle.  If Rick was here I would have planned a big party for him and would have dealt with the fact the weather is so bad!  He wasn't a person who ever sought to be the centre of attention so he probably would have been somewhat relieved that a storm was settling in!  There was that side of him and then the other side where he liked to be acknowledged as we all do from time to time. 

His 50th was hilarious!!!! I spent the day organizing him going from place to place where I know he loved to go.  One of the places was to go to the mint on a tour as he always wanted to go there.  All the way I video taped each place and all his comments...long story short....he ended up in a piano bar at the end of the evening and having to wear a sombrero walking around the stage as we all sang happy birthday to him!  He was such a good sport!

Rick could be a competitive man also.  He told me stories and stories how he went to achieve some of his successes in selling.  His passion ----people!  We was a very kind and loving man and influenced people wherever he would go!

On his 55th Birthday we had a party for him at the Whitemouth Hotel with Elvis (nee Nick) as the entertainment.  We had a blast with family and friends and the Whitemouth people coming out to help him celebrate!  He was so thrilled to see everyone who had come out!!!!

Today, on his 60th Birthday I can't even imagine what kind of a party God prepared for him with all his loved ones who are with him right now on the other side!!!!

Here is to you my beloved and forever missed husband, Ricki!!!! I love you and miss you!!!!!!!!!  Until we meet again!!!!!!xoxoxoxox forever!!!!!

Monday, August 13, 2012

Two Years and still so hard to believe!

It has been two years now as of the 13th of this month and it is still so hard to believe that Ricki is no longer here in person! 

I thank my family, friends and neighbours who have been most supporting, loving and kind during my darkest and saddest hours in my life! 

I don't cry like I used too but at the drop of a hat I can cry if I start to think of Rick.  The saddness and missing him will never go away.  I just have learned how NOT to stay in that place of thinking and just enjoy each day of living!  It is amazing what loneliness can achieve as a motivator in one's being.  I never dreamt how much a person can miss someone. Rick's love, his smile, his humour, his gentleness, his kind words, his warm touch, his spontinaity and on and on the list goes....

I have done some travelling and experienced some new things that I have never done before...zip lining....golfing....seadooing, quading and I even got to drive a new corvette!!!! It was a standard and I didn't even stall it on the highway!!!! 

I was invited to a bque with the Prime Minister of Canada recently and had my picture taken with him.  That was an amazing time.  I know Rick would be smiling over that one as we both campaigned together just before he got ill!


Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Joan here..." 18 mos later and 2nd Valentine's Day without my Ricki!!!:

This should all be getting easier right???? NOT!!!!!

It is 18 months since my sweetheart has gone and it is so difficult at times to live without Ricki. I miss him so much and I am so lonely at times without him! He was and is and will always be the true love of my life!!! We both knew that!!!

I was just talking to some people today who knew him briefly and they mentioned their memory of him to me and how wonderful and loving he was to me. I love it when we can talk about him freely!!! Their memory of Rick was how they saw us one evening dancing together and how he looked at me and how I looked at him and how they were amazed at what we were like together. When this lady shared that with me I just cried and cried because I remembered that specific evening and I know what we had together. For her to just put it all into words from an outsider's perspective was so incredibly moving!!!! That is her thoughts and memories of Rick and I together! That is exactly what I carry in my heart all the time!

I couldn't write anything on this Valentine's Day or on the 13th as it is still all so painful, Rick and I talked about this time after he would pass and how I would find it all so difficult.....There isn't a day that goes by where I don't talk to him, think of him, and wish he was here. I know that will never change!!!! In the meantime we just learn to survive and carry on. I did dig out of the bag this year's Valentine's Day card from him that he purchased when he was diagnosed!!! That in itself was so heart gripping!!!! I only have till I am 80 years old to have that honour of getting a Valentine's Day Card from him!!!!I just continually thank God for him doing that for me!!!!

I have had recently numerous opportunities in many areas to connect with others but I struggle with the ongoing fact "nothing compares to him". So it is something I have to overcome.

My sweatheart is a prince, was a prince and will always be a prince...think about it...he resides in Heaven!!!! You never get into a relationship with a widow as her spouse dwells in "heaven". :) Rick would get a great kick out of that one!!!!

I have so many questions to ask God about life and death...as we all do especially when we lose a loved one. But I have learned to somehow..not to try and figure that out but to trust God that he knows the beginning to the end and that HE so loves us all!!!!

Recently, a friend lost a son to suicide...I can't even imagine how these wonderful people are dealingwith it! Bottom line....it is not their fault!!! Why is it when someone dies we take it upon ourselves that it is somehow our fault!!!! or that we could have done more. rescued them, or, or, or....just maybe that person was in so much pain that they just couldn't handle it anymore....and for whatever reason they just couldn't burden their loved ones with it....I really understand that now!!!!

Trust God in all things no matter how painful, no matter what our thoughts are in it, no matter how we feel....we DO NOT know the end of all of this!!!!!

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Joan here..."Feb 1 st today, yes...4 years"

Every time a day that has a significant memory attached to it is coming up I can feel a dip in my being. I get sad and I just mope around! I don't even have to look at the calender. It is just there. I start to mourn. When that happens to me I just go to the calender and check the date and yep....it has meaning!

It is 4 years today that my Ricki was diagnosed with ALS. If you read our blog archive about that day you will see how that day changed our life forever. That day we knew it was the worst day of our life but we had now idea what it would be like to walk it out and what would lie ahead for us!

And now here I am 4 years later from that date, on my own with Ricki gone and the worst has come to pass. It is still like a nightmare of sorts! How can one prepare for the road that lays before you when you are diagnosed with a rapidly progressive terminal disease? In plain English...You Can't! It doesn't matter what kind of disease your loved one is diagnosed with, no one can grasp it!

All I can say is that you just learn to walk it day by day...why? you just don't have a choice....when you are so deeply in love all you can think of is how are we going to walk this through together.

Even when you are handed the death sentence you still have hope....hope that you can over come this...maybe, just maybe it will go away...In our case, it did not go away and everything they said about this horrible disease came to pass. Rick lived 6 months beyond what the prognosis was. In this disease that was a miracle!

We cherished every moment we had together. Even if it meant we could just only look at each other and smile and whisper to each other sweet nothings we knew it was an incredible blessing and gift. My dear husband could talk until the end and that is what he believed God for and that is what we had!!! For that he and I were so grateful for!!!!

It is like and incredible dream to me...so numbing....so unbelievable but yet so real as I have to face each day without my beloved!!!!

I will never forget each moment of that day Ricki what we went through together! And yes Ricki, I am so glad that we "liked" each other!!!!

Love you forever my sweetheart!!!