On Saturday, on a beautiful sunny fall day we buried my wonderful, darling & loving & kind & forgiving (but not perfect just in case you have ought against him) husband along with his mom and dad.Rick was always so thankful and grateful for his devoted, loving and supportive mom and dad. Remember, they are in their 80's. They tube fed, hoyered, toileted and bipaped him. They were with me for the whole ALS journey. They saw the intensive care and the incredible suffering that their son went through. They saw how truly brave he was. Anyone dealing with a terminal disease understands this is NOT a simple thing. The physical side of it is one thing...but wow...the emotional side is another! Their love and devotion to their eldest son is above and beyond! They are amazing folks! I stand in awe of them!!!!
I went over to Rick's folks house for the night on Friday as we would be burying Rick in the morning. I spent the evening reminicing about Rick and I and them and how he was in the last months and days.
Late in the evening they told me they had a "surprise" for me. Just think what that meant to me...a surprise! Who would even think about me at this point? I couldn't even begin to think of what that meant! Well, they had booked the hospitalitly bedroom for me in their complex. They told me they wanted me to be able to have a bath and sleep comfortably. Wow. A bath....they got it....our place only has a shower and in the years we have lived here I have so missed just soaking in a bathtub. They remembered!!! That meant so much to me...they thought about me as a person! I know why Rick loved and adored them so much! He had such confidence and trust in them! I know he would have been so proud of them for doing that for me, his wife.
Just think.....you are a father and a mother...and you are going to bury your son...your firstborn....Wendal has been burying people for years as he volunteers at the cemetary. I can't even imagine preparing the spot knowing you were going to be burying your first born. I just cry at the thought of that for them. Wendal went the day before and took care of all the details of that with a friend. Rick's mom went to the florist with me and purchased three roses so we could place them in Rick's plot.
I wont' give the details but believe me...we placed Rick's ashes to rest...Rick style!!!! Amidst my tears and words Rick's mom piped up and said "And God give him a voice so he can finally sing!"...I hope I quoted that somewhat accurately. Well, we all burst into laughter...Rick could not carry a tune ever....it might have been because he was quite deaf...but nevertheless...he could not sing!
I don't wish this for anyone...not even my worst enemy! Love is painful! I have been reading all kinds of books on grieving, widows and etc. They all tell you not to do anything until you are ready no matter what people say or pressure you to do. I really understand that NOW, who knows when I will take off my rings, who knows when I will be ready to change my name from Rick and Joan to just Joan, who knows when........when your love is great....the pain is great!
