Rick always loved gardening. Here he is surveying the land.
Just think Rick is in another realm for three weeks now. No pain, no suffering and probably still running and jumping and waving his arms like crazy because they work now and busy visiting all the loved ones who have passed on!!!
You are probably wondering what I could possibly be doing and feeling three weeks after my husband has passed away. Well, I am still living and breathing...choosing to put one foot in front of the other.....life is going on. I am digging deep within myself and my faith. There isn't a time where every few minutes that I am not thinking of my Rick. I don't always show where I am at visibly but I am devastated!
You are probably wondering what I could possibly be doing and feeling three weeks after my husband has passed away. Well, I am still living and breathing...choosing to put one foot in front of the other.....life is going on. I am digging deep within myself and my faith. There isn't a time where every few minutes that I am not thinking of my Rick. I don't always show where I am at visibly but I am devastated!
This morning I went to the post office and rec'd a card from Dr. Kati & Nancy. He was our doctor years ago when we first lived in Wpg. What they wrote really warmed my heart especially this morning...."How sad we are to hear of Rick's passing but having had patients with ALS he is in a way better place. You two were a wonderful couple, worked together, lived together and we never saw one without the other. ....".
I have been so busy with getting all the equipment back to it's owners and doing paperwork. The equipment is all sent back. Talk about an empty space around me. I have moved back some furniture that we had in place when Rick and I first moved here...before the hospital bed, before the hoyer lift, before the IV pole, before the wheelchair, before the brodi chair. So right now, this suite is so very different...it has this really cold feeling and I guess that will always be. It is just not "our" warm and cozy space anymore. Rick is not here and every time I go out and come back in I am reminded of it.
Yesterday, was a day that all the flowers needed to be discarded. Hmmmm....thought the equipment was hard to deal with but here the flowers were yet just another thing to go. I reread all the cards on the flowers and carefully salvaged any flowers that could be put together in another vase. I ended up with a vase with misc flowers from all the other bouquets.
Yesterday, I decided to meet my friend Dona (with only one n) for lunch. As I was walking there I just kept crying out in my heart to God and Rick and saying how much I was feeling so lonely. I needed him...I wanted to talk to him....I wanted to feel his warmth and love. Well, wouldn't you know it...a block later a van pulled over next to me and a lady started talking to me about how much they have been thinking of me and my journey. She mentioned how she wanted me to meet her sister who herself had lost her husband years ago.
Yesterday, was a day that all the flowers needed to be discarded. Hmmmm....thought the equipment was hard to deal with but here the flowers were yet just another thing to go. I reread all the cards on the flowers and carefully salvaged any flowers that could be put together in another vase. I ended up with a vase with misc flowers from all the other bouquets.
Yesterday, I decided to meet my friend Dona (with only one n) for lunch. As I was walking there I just kept crying out in my heart to God and Rick and saying how much I was feeling so lonely. I needed him...I wanted to talk to him....I wanted to feel his warmth and love. Well, wouldn't you know it...a block later a van pulled over next to me and a lady started talking to me about how much they have been thinking of me and my journey. She mentioned how she wanted me to meet her sister who herself had lost her husband years ago.
Then about another block later a lady came out of the post office. Patsy, she writes for the Carillon News for Elma. She mentioned how she had written an article about Rick. She will be mailing me a copy of it. Then I had lunch with my friend and low and behold who did I meet up with is our own infamous Dr. Spence....wow! I believe between Rick and God, I was supernaturally taken care of!
And to top it all....when I went to the post office there was a fist full of cards from the ALS Society of MB who had received donations in memorial to Rick!!!! Talk about heart wrenching. I scrambled to get home as fast as I could to read who would be so considerate in taking the time to do this.
As I read each name...I thanked God for these people...who are all trying to make sure another family will not have to go through this down the road. I phoned Rick's mom and dad and went over the names with them. They shared the cards they have rec'd also in Rick's memory. It brought such comfort to all of us. People cared...people cared about Rick...about us...about not having other families ever having to deal with this.
Rick loved his parents so very much and it is an honor for me to be able to even talk to them and share the latest. They understand the pain that this disease inflicted on him and us. They were there with us for the whole walk! They didn't just talk it they walked it. They ran for the urinal bottle...they hooked up the feeding tubes...they heard when he gave us his last wishes....they were here for their son.
I still haven't decided when I am going to bury his ashes.... I have so many things to think about in that regard. Emotionally, I just know I have to keep it very simple just to get through it. Many times a day I thank God for taking good care of Rick right now and I know he is in God's hands. I just miss him so much!!!! His smile, his morning kisses...at the end he couldn't reach over and kiss me so he would always say to me....Joan I want to kiss you...I need a kiss...that meant I had to go over to him and kiss him. Towards the end his bipap mask was always in the way but we still managed....if I could just kiss him one more time.
And to top it all....when I went to the post office there was a fist full of cards from the ALS Society of MB who had received donations in memorial to Rick!!!! Talk about heart wrenching. I scrambled to get home as fast as I could to read who would be so considerate in taking the time to do this.
As I read each name...I thanked God for these people...who are all trying to make sure another family will not have to go through this down the road. I phoned Rick's mom and dad and went over the names with them. They shared the cards they have rec'd also in Rick's memory. It brought such comfort to all of us. People cared...people cared about Rick...about us...about not having other families ever having to deal with this.
Rick loved his parents so very much and it is an honor for me to be able to even talk to them and share the latest. They understand the pain that this disease inflicted on him and us. They were there with us for the whole walk! They didn't just talk it they walked it. They ran for the urinal bottle...they hooked up the feeding tubes...they heard when he gave us his last wishes....they were here for their son.
I still haven't decided when I am going to bury his ashes.... I have so many things to think about in that regard. Emotionally, I just know I have to keep it very simple just to get through it. Many times a day I thank God for taking good care of Rick right now and I know he is in God's hands. I just miss him so much!!!! His smile, his morning kisses...at the end he couldn't reach over and kiss me so he would always say to me....Joan I want to kiss you...I need a kiss...that meant I had to go over to him and kiss him. Towards the end his bipap mask was always in the way but we still managed....if I could just kiss him one more time.
If...if...if....kiss your loved ones while you have them....
