Joan here..."The wonderful world of Skype"

I have rediscovered the wonderful world of "skype". It is so nice to be able to talk to others who live far away and see them while you are talking. I have been spending hours on it lately with family from Edmonton way as my cousin Jill is scheduled for an artery bipass this week.

Because her immediate family do not live near here I have been filling in for them. Her sisters and I have been coordinating her appointments, surgery, and post surgery plans too make sure nothing will be missed in her care.

I have been busy going back and forth to Health Science Centre this past couple of weeks. It has been emotionally draining at times as memories flood in each time about the times Rick and I were there for his appointments, operation, and etc. When I see someone in a wheelchair it instantly takes me back in my mind about Rick in his.

Things like when I was pushing my cousin in her wheelchair and getting on the elevator. Remembering how Rick loved it that I always made sure he was backed in not pushed in. That way he could face the elevator doors.

I was at a funeral recently for a dear neighbour, John, from way back in my growing up years. He had Parkinson's disease. This man had a son, Jack, who a number of years ago when he was in his 30's died of ALS. Now one of his other sons, Jeff, had an aneurysm recently and has left him in a wheelchair, unable to speak etc. At the funeral his young wife was sitting next to him with their two small children.

After the service Jeff and his wife were sitting at a table where she was putting meds in a syringe to put into Jeff's feeding tube. I just stood beside them and gasped as I watched her taking care of him. I did everything to just keep myself together and not break down sobbing right then and there. My heart just welled with pain for what he and her are facing. He resides at the Deer Lodge Centre right now and can't even be home with his family on a daily basis.

I am looking forward to the day when my memories of Rick will go first to the time of our life where he was not ill and we just had a normal life. Rick is still in my dreams regularly. I cherish those dreams!!!

Please do pray for my cousin Jill, Jeff and his wife and their young children.

Joan here..."6 months today"

I never dreamed I could have made it this long without Ricki. It is 6 months today since he passed and my first Valentine's Day tomorrow without him.

These dates are very raw reminders how our life together as we knew it has forever changed. These dates are a reminder of our dreams and plans that will never be. Every couple of days I still have my break down times. They usually last for a couple of days. I am finding out first hand that everything is a choice!

When I think of Rick which is most of the time....I am so amazed at how strong, brave and loving he truly was as a man even till the end! In the last year of his life I was so exhausted with just the physical daily care for him and the internal stress of knowing we may not have a tomorrow together. I didn't always see everything with a balanced perspective. A lot of tunnel vision. When you are barely hanging on to your own sanity with all the ups and downs this disease brings into your life, as a wife, I didn't have anytime to be reflective or concerned about anything other than getting Rick through his day with as much dignity and care as I could.

While going through some of our stuff awhile ago I came across a bag full of new Valentine Day Cards. I then remembered how Rick had told me he had gone out and bought me a bunch so when he was gone I would always have a new one to open each year from him. So when I found them all I did was cry and cry and hugged the package of cards. I have kept them in the bag without reading them. I did manage to count them and I have one for each year till I am 86 years old!!!!

Valentine Day for us was an "us time"! I am truly amazed how even after death he arranged for me to have an "us time". I have so many very romantic memories and times he so thoroughly surprised me with! So every year I will get to read and see something new that he had picked out for me....what a wonderful gift of love he put into place for me! It won't bring him back...but his thoughtfulness eases the pain of the loss for the day. It is something tangible!

A few lines taken from this year's card....

"...but if you're ever uncertain

of how much I care,

just "listen" to my heart..."

Missing you my dear Valentine!!!! I love everything you once were and everything you continue to be now!!!!

Joan here..."Does our passion have feet, hands or a voice?"

I was so pleased to hear that Katie, our little granddaughter, had joined the 4H Club this year. As part of what they were learning this year in public speaking they each had to write their own speech in their own words and present it.

Well..... Anyone knowing Katie and her passion would guess immediately what she chose to write about! I believe she will be entering a contest and reading what she wrote. I asked her permission to share this on the blog. Here goes....

"Hello ladies, gentlemen and honourable judges. My name is Katie... and I am from the Whitemouth Community 4H Club.

Today I'm here to talk to you about ALS. Also called Lou Gehrig's Disease. ALS stands for Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis. ALS is a muscular disease that kills all the muscles in your body and eventually kills your heart or lungs. In ALS your brain acts like the light switch and your body acts like the lightbulb. When your brain tells your body to do something your body will respond but when you have ALS, ALS breaks the connection. ALS has no cure!

The reason I brought up this subject is because my Grandpa Rick had it. He was diagnosed February 1, 2008. ALS can start anywhere in your body. For my grandpa, it started in his legs. That is the reason my grandpa had to use a cane. My grandpa let my sister and I name the cane. We call it Max.

We knew my grandpa would need a lot of help so we renovated our house and garage into a beautiful suite and asked grandpa and grandma to move in with us. And they did! Through my grandma and grandpa we have met a lot of people. For example we met Dianna, Brian and Sharon from the ALS Society of Manitoba. They help families learn about ALS and supply equipment to people suffering from this horrible disease.

I wanted to help the people with ALS. So, I came up with an idea to have an ALS garage sale. Our first garage sale made $1,000.00 And our second garage sale made $1,637.00! This year I hope to raise around $2,000.00.

Sadly, August 13, 2010 my brave Grandpa Rick passed away. It is hard to see someone you love suffer so much. It is because of this I want to help people with ALS and hopefully one day you can too!"

****

I had the priviledge of Katie reading her speech to me and all I could do was cry and cry as I listened to this little girl express herself in the loss of her dear grandpa Rick and her continued desire to raise money to help families and find a cure for ALS.

I am sure Grandpa Rick was smiling down from heaven as Katie read her speech to me that night and so proud of her wanting to share it with everyone. She has put feet, hands and now a voice to her passion! What a challenge for me to follow!