Thank you my friends from"Canada, United States, Germany, United Kingdom, New Zealand, Russia, Japan, France, Ukraine, Australia." It is so nice to hear from you all! I wish you all the best in this New Year 2012!!!!
It is so amazing how the internet can link us all together! If you have landed on this site because of someone you love that has ALS please let me know. My heart goes out to you!!!!
It is -2 C and snowing here right now.
So if you are living in a warm sunny climate take in all the rays you can for the rest of us!
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Joan here..."Jan 16 th Check out CJNU 107.9 FM Winnipeg"
This month the ALS Society of MB is the major sponsor on the CJNU 107.9 FM Winnipeg Radio Station. They play 40's, 50's and 60's music. CJNU 107.9 FM Winnipeg is a non profit radio station. Nick Drobot aka Elvis sang a couple of songs Friday at 1:00 pm the 13th of January.
It was amazing that it was on the 13th. It is 17 months to the day that Rick has passed. Here I was sitting by the computer with Rick's dad and mom and listening to Nick sing and speak. I knew Rick would be so proud and grateful for what Nick was doing in his memory!
If you get a chance listen to the radio on CJNU 107.9 FM Radio Winnipeg Monday 9:00am. I will be speaking for a few minutes in regards to the ALS Society of MB.
If you live outside of Winnipeg or anywhere else in the world you can get it on computer by clicking on the link then clicking on a media format that works on your computer. http://www.cjnu.ca/feeds.shtml If you live in MB and have MTS TV it is on channel 725.
I pretty much have stayed away from being involved as my emotions are still very raw. I know in time I will totally immerse myself to help promote awareness and support when it comes to ALS. I just needed some time to work through my own pain. I have heard too many horror stories about people jumping right into things when a loved one passes. They bury themselves in doing and keeping busy and then all of a sudden down the road it all crashes down on them.
I have been told and I keep telling myself it is okay to take time off to grieve for however long I need. I remember years ago a woman I knew lost her husband in an tragic car accident in her 50's. When she was in her 70's it all came to a head. She became so depressed. It wasn't until she allowed herself to grieve that she came out of that depression. She also started to talk and talk about the life they had had together. I never forgot her and what had happened to her.
Rick and I hosted so many parties and gatherings over the years. We would go all out with the food and decorating and on and on. Since he has passed I have just stayed away from it all. There is no joy in any of that for me right now. So anything that I do these days I look at it as a step forward no matter how small the step.
It was amazing that it was on the 13th. It is 17 months to the day that Rick has passed. Here I was sitting by the computer with Rick's dad and mom and listening to Nick sing and speak. I knew Rick would be so proud and grateful for what Nick was doing in his memory!
If you get a chance listen to the radio on CJNU 107.9 FM Radio Winnipeg Monday 9:00am. I will be speaking for a few minutes in regards to the ALS Society of MB.
If you live outside of Winnipeg or anywhere else in the world you can get it on computer by clicking on the link then clicking on a media format that works on your computer. http://www.cjnu.ca/feeds.shtml If you live in MB and have MTS TV it is on channel 725.
I pretty much have stayed away from being involved as my emotions are still very raw. I know in time I will totally immerse myself to help promote awareness and support when it comes to ALS. I just needed some time to work through my own pain. I have heard too many horror stories about people jumping right into things when a loved one passes. They bury themselves in doing and keeping busy and then all of a sudden down the road it all crashes down on them.
I have been told and I keep telling myself it is okay to take time off to grieve for however long I need. I remember years ago a woman I knew lost her husband in an tragic car accident in her 50's. When she was in her 70's it all came to a head. She became so depressed. It wasn't until she allowed herself to grieve that she came out of that depression. She also started to talk and talk about the life they had had together. I never forgot her and what had happened to her.
Rick and I hosted so many parties and gatherings over the years. We would go all out with the food and decorating and on and on. Since he has passed I have just stayed away from it all. There is no joy in any of that for me right now. So anything that I do these days I look at it as a step forward no matter how small the step.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Joan here..."Happy Birthday Ricki"
In earth years it would have been your 59th birthday today Ricki! It is so hard to wrap my head around the fact that another birthday is here and that you have been gone for 17 mos on the 13th which is this Friday. That means you are spending your 2nd Birthday as a spirit being! Free from pain or sickness!
I was imagining this morning how Rick you are probably being surrounded by all our loved ones who had passed on already. I pictured my dad talking to you about his latest invention ideas while you sat there encouraging him. I imagined you sitting in a boat fishing all the while you filling in your grandmas and grandpas on the latest news and catching up on their lives since they passed. I tried to visualize you getting to see and finally hear my grandpa's belly laughs and creative humour. I am sure his belly laughs echo through the heavens. I even imagined you having a cup of tea with grandma, and then you reminiscing with all the aunts, uncles, cousins, friends and neighbours and even getting to know the two brothers and sister that I never had a chance to get to know.
I imagined the host of all these departed loved ones gathering from all corners of the universe in the spiritual realm to celebrate not your earthly birthday but you just being with them. All the while all of you knowing how sad we would be feeling here on earth today because we all miss you so much!
As I daydreamed...my imagination grew and grew....I imagined how God would be giving you the biggest party ever! Choirs and choirs of angels singing, decorating the pearl laden room for you with real stars, everything full of the richest brightest colours that none of us have never seen before and the party room stretching out as far as one could see. Hey, maybe even Elvis would give you a special song!
Then I imagined you Rick looking around at the magnificent and awesomeness of God and His love for you and at that moment how you would be falling down to the ground and giving glory to God for the "present" that HE had given you and you had received while you lived on earth. And it is only now that that this present was being manifested in an ever eternal revealing way. .. because of the gift of eternal life through Jesus you were now in front of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords and that you could live now forever in health, happiness, wholeness and love for all eternity!
Rick you are so lucky as you now know God's plan for you in its entirety! I tried to imagine the joy on your face now in your new home, new surroundings and now experiencing the depth, breath and height of God's love!
I then imagined the moment that I would once again see you face to face my darling!
When I feel sad and missing you Ricki so much especially on these earthly remembrances of our special days....How can I not rejoice and be thankful to God for what HE has all done for especially you my darling Ricki!
You are so loved and so missed but I so rejoice in knowing who you are now all hanging out with!
Here's from earth to you darling Ricki..."Happy 59th Birthday!" I Love you!
I was imagining this morning how Rick you are probably being surrounded by all our loved ones who had passed on already. I pictured my dad talking to you about his latest invention ideas while you sat there encouraging him. I imagined you sitting in a boat fishing all the while you filling in your grandmas and grandpas on the latest news and catching up on their lives since they passed. I tried to visualize you getting to see and finally hear my grandpa's belly laughs and creative humour. I am sure his belly laughs echo through the heavens. I even imagined you having a cup of tea with grandma, and then you reminiscing with all the aunts, uncles, cousins, friends and neighbours and even getting to know the two brothers and sister that I never had a chance to get to know.
I imagined the host of all these departed loved ones gathering from all corners of the universe in the spiritual realm to celebrate not your earthly birthday but you just being with them. All the while all of you knowing how sad we would be feeling here on earth today because we all miss you so much!
As I daydreamed...my imagination grew and grew....I imagined how God would be giving you the biggest party ever! Choirs and choirs of angels singing, decorating the pearl laden room for you with real stars, everything full of the richest brightest colours that none of us have never seen before and the party room stretching out as far as one could see. Hey, maybe even Elvis would give you a special song!
Then I imagined you Rick looking around at the magnificent and awesomeness of God and His love for you and at that moment how you would be falling down to the ground and giving glory to God for the "present" that HE had given you and you had received while you lived on earth. And it is only now that that this present was being manifested in an ever eternal revealing way. .. because of the gift of eternal life through Jesus you were now in front of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords and that you could live now forever in health, happiness, wholeness and love for all eternity!
Rick you are so lucky as you now know God's plan for you in its entirety! I tried to imagine the joy on your face now in your new home, new surroundings and now experiencing the depth, breath and height of God's love!
I then imagined the moment that I would once again see you face to face my darling!
When I feel sad and missing you Ricki so much especially on these earthly remembrances of our special days....How can I not rejoice and be thankful to God for what HE has all done for especially you my darling Ricki!
You are so loved and so missed but I so rejoice in knowing who you are now all hanging out with!
Here's from earth to you darling Ricki..."Happy 59th Birthday!" I Love you!
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Joan here..."Another Christmas come and gone"
It is so hard to believe that another Christmas has come and gone without being with my sweetheart. All I keep thinking is how wonderful it must be at this momemt for Rick to be enjoying and experiencing all the wonders of what God has had waiting for him all along. Rick is alive in a new way and in an indestructible body where sickness and pain can not live in! Wow!!!
Wish I could say it was the same here on earth but it is not yet to be. So how does one fill in that time? Hmmmm......... I haven't figured that out yet. It seems to be a moment to moment, day to day, week to week, month to month and now a year to year process. I have concluded though that the ones left behind have a much more difficult walk as we have to work through the grieving process. The greater you love... the greater the pain! Hmmm... so does that mean then to be on the safe side we should not love so deeply as it would be easier?
Earth is definitely a refining pot and a melting pot of sorts. As much as it has been lonely, hard and painful at Rick's passing on I would not change the time that we had together! He is my hero!!! He was the most loving, kind and gentle man I have ever met!
I have been reading a book called "When the Body Says No: The Hidden Cost of Stress…" By Gabor Mate, M.D. Rick's uncle recommended it. It has a chapter in it that talks specifically about ALS. A very thoughtful and interesting read. Rick's uncle's late wife and Rick both passed away from ALS. They both had similar earlier life experiences and dealt with them in a very similar fashion. This book also mentions other diseases ie MS etc. The book considers an emotional component to a disease not just a physical one.
Rick always kept his cards close to his chest. He would just flash his great big smile and make you feel special. I had known Rick for years before we got together as a couple but would not have ever guessed how he was really feeling inside. He would ask me many times to just go for long drives and long walks and he would talk and talk about his life. He would always want us to snuggle holding me ever so close. At first I was almost shocked at what I was all hearing as he opened up. We trusted our hearts and beings with each other!
I wish that for each of you reading this blog that you too could bare your heart and soul to your mate. That there would be nothing the two of you couldn't talk or share together. That kind of love comes with a warning though "Enter at your own risk...This may be the most painful thing you will ever experience should one of you pass on!" but I can say it is worth every tear!
This year I have experienced the love, the tenderness, the mercy of God in my sad, lonely and dark hours of missing Rick. For that I am so thankful for!
Where do I go from here? I have no idea! It is still day by day, month by month, year by year!
And as always.....
A toast to you my dearest Ricki, here's to one day sharing Christmas together once again, I Love you!!!!
Wish I could say it was the same here on earth but it is not yet to be. So how does one fill in that time? Hmmmm......... I haven't figured that out yet. It seems to be a moment to moment, day to day, week to week, month to month and now a year to year process. I have concluded though that the ones left behind have a much more difficult walk as we have to work through the grieving process. The greater you love... the greater the pain! Hmmm... so does that mean then to be on the safe side we should not love so deeply as it would be easier?
Earth is definitely a refining pot and a melting pot of sorts. As much as it has been lonely, hard and painful at Rick's passing on I would not change the time that we had together! He is my hero!!! He was the most loving, kind and gentle man I have ever met!
I have been reading a book called "When the Body Says No: The Hidden Cost of Stress…" By Gabor Mate, M.D. Rick's uncle recommended it. It has a chapter in it that talks specifically about ALS. A very thoughtful and interesting read. Rick's uncle's late wife and Rick both passed away from ALS. They both had similar earlier life experiences and dealt with them in a very similar fashion. This book also mentions other diseases ie MS etc. The book considers an emotional component to a disease not just a physical one.
Rick always kept his cards close to his chest. He would just flash his great big smile and make you feel special. I had known Rick for years before we got together as a couple but would not have ever guessed how he was really feeling inside. He would ask me many times to just go for long drives and long walks and he would talk and talk about his life. He would always want us to snuggle holding me ever so close. At first I was almost shocked at what I was all hearing as he opened up. We trusted our hearts and beings with each other!
I wish that for each of you reading this blog that you too could bare your heart and soul to your mate. That there would be nothing the two of you couldn't talk or share together. That kind of love comes with a warning though "Enter at your own risk...This may be the most painful thing you will ever experience should one of you pass on!" but I can say it is worth every tear!
This year I have experienced the love, the tenderness, the mercy of God in my sad, lonely and dark hours of missing Rick. For that I am so thankful for!
Where do I go from here? I have no idea! It is still day by day, month by month, year by year!
And as always.....
A toast to you my dearest Ricki, here's to one day sharing Christmas together once again, I Love you!!!!
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Joan here..."It is 16 mos today!"
The cemetary is a place that I know is not where Rick is, but a place where his bodily remains are. It is a place where for some reason every year he would want to go and tour around and tell me the same stories of the people he knew who had passed on. He would always go there and toast those loved ones that had once walked the earth. The last time he and I went there was when he went to see his tombstomb for the first time. He had picked everything out.
He could barely walk with his cane around the cemetary. I have a video tape of him doing this. I cried the whole time I was taping it as I knew the next time I would be here Rick would be laying under his tombstone.
So hard to believe that this has all happened. I have been living in a total fog this past year for sure. Emotionally dysfunctional too boot as you can well imagine! My whole world has been shaken. Until you are put in that position it is totally impossible to even begin to comphrend it at all.
I am still in a spot in my being that I don't know what I want to do to fill in the time. It is really nice being surrounded by people who loved Rick as I did. That always brings me so much comfort to talk about his silly quirks, his great humor, his tender heart, his compassion, his romantic ways, his special surprises.
Every time that I hear of someone losing someone who they loved and were so close too I just go into a tail spin as I can relate over and over again to what pain they are going through.
I keep going through one box at a time.....and believe me it is only one box at a time...as they are filled with such memories that it is overwhelming. I opened one of Rick's many cards that he had given to me and found this typed note in it. It would have been one he would have typed just before he lost his ability to type. I don't know where he found this on the internet or who wrote it originally but it was addressed to me...
To Joan,
"Love never disappears, for death is a non-event
I have merely retired to the room next door.
You and I are the same; what we were for each other, we still are.
Speak to me as you always have; do not use a different tone; do not be sad.
Continue to laugh at what made us laugh.
Smile and think of me.
Life means what it has always meant.
The link is not severed.
Why should I be out of your soul if I am out of your sight?
I will wait for you; I am not here, but just on the other side of this path."
All my love, Your husband Rick
You can imagine the tears as I began to read this. I am so thankful for the time we did have together even though it is so painful now.
He could barely walk with his cane around the cemetary. I have a video tape of him doing this. I cried the whole time I was taping it as I knew the next time I would be here Rick would be laying under his tombstone.
So hard to believe that this has all happened. I have been living in a total fog this past year for sure. Emotionally dysfunctional too boot as you can well imagine! My whole world has been shaken. Until you are put in that position it is totally impossible to even begin to comphrend it at all.
I am still in a spot in my being that I don't know what I want to do to fill in the time. It is really nice being surrounded by people who loved Rick as I did. That always brings me so much comfort to talk about his silly quirks, his great humor, his tender heart, his compassion, his romantic ways, his special surprises.
Every time that I hear of someone losing someone who they loved and were so close too I just go into a tail spin as I can relate over and over again to what pain they are going through.
I keep going through one box at a time.....and believe me it is only one box at a time...as they are filled with such memories that it is overwhelming. I opened one of Rick's many cards that he had given to me and found this typed note in it. It would have been one he would have typed just before he lost his ability to type. I don't know where he found this on the internet or who wrote it originally but it was addressed to me...
To Joan,
"Love never disappears, for death is a non-event
I have merely retired to the room next door.
You and I are the same; what we were for each other, we still are.
Speak to me as you always have; do not use a different tone; do not be sad.
Continue to laugh at what made us laugh.
Smile and think of me.
Life means what it has always meant.
The link is not severed.
Why should I be out of your soul if I am out of your sight?
I will wait for you; I am not here, but just on the other side of this path."
All my love, Your husband Rick
You can imagine the tears as I began to read this. I am so thankful for the time we did have together even though it is so painful now.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Joan here..." 15 months"
I can't believe another month has come and gone! We have a bit of snow and winter is around the corner to stay. It was wonderful to spend time visiting family. I spent some wonderful time with some of my cousins out west. They toured me all over!
I really enjoyed visiting with my elderly aunt also. Who knows if I will ever be out that way again to see her. The tears just rolled down my cheeks when I saw her again. So many fond memories of my childhood rolled back into mind.
The last time I was out that way was when Rick and I had gone to visit out there. Once again very bitter sweet!
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