Welcome

This blog is about a new walk with my husband Rick & I since he was diagnosed with ALS (Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis) or Lou Gehrig's Disease or MND (Motor Neuron Disease) on February 1, 2008.

This blog was started as a way to keep our family and friends and anyone else interested in our battle with ALS updated.
So as you read this blog please keep us in your hearts and prayers.

The blog starts from the most current to the oldest entry. Rick has started to blog now also as of April 1,2008 so this site has become officially "our blog".

My dearest husband Rick passed away on August 13, 2010,
2 1/2 yrs after diagnosis. Now I have to learn how to walk in the courage, strength and bravery that he did in fighting this disease. He promised me he would be waiting for me in eternity on a park bench. Together Forever!

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Two Sparrows in a Hurricane!

Well...today it is exactly one year since Joan and I sat in the neurologists office and received the official report that I have ALS.

Two Sparrows in a Hurricane! describes how we have felt and what our lives have been like since then!

We will never forget walking out of the office holding hands and going down to our car...we held it together till then...and then took one look at each other and burst into tears and held each other for the longest time. We then drove out to see my Dad & Mom - a trip interspersed with frequent stops and tears - and talk to them (more tears) and then called Joans mom and husband(more tears) and then called all the kids(more tears). One tough day.

To say our lives have been turned upside down is an understatement...nearly everything has changed so much. When we came out of the neuro's office I wasn't even using a cane yet...today a year later I am in a power wheelchair or scooter full time and can not lift either leg off the floor more than 3 inches. There is no way I can manage even a step or two without a cane and holding onto a walker or a railing. I can barely turn over in bed and that is with the help of a handrail. Joan has to help me shower in my fancy shower wheelchair. Life is greatly changed. The arms and hands are starting to go faster now as well but thankfully my speech and breathing are holding up relatively well. Oh - another big plus - for now I can still wipe my own butt - sounds kind of funny till you actually think about the reality of it and not being able to do it yourself :) And as we always say...in a couple months - this will be the good old days!

The emotional strain and stress has been horrendous and beyond belief - and for Joan the added physical strain of having to do all the lifting, moving, running, cleaning and caregiving adds even more strain to her load than you can imagine. I fear for her so much - she pushes herself so very hard to look after me and my every need while trying to keep our lives as normal as possible for as long as we can. There is so little I can do to protect her from the pain and stress of all of this. She is one hell of a brave and generous woman!
I can not say that this experience has in any way brought the two of us closer together- only because I don't think it is possible for two people to be any more closely connected and more deeply in love than we were already!! It has been 13 years and our honeymoon has never ended!!

I have never in my life had to deal with such feelings of helplessness and vulnerability in even the very simplest daily things of life though - with no hope of it ever getting better or improving or even stopping its decline. It can be pretty damn discouraging!

Anyways...today has been a day of pretty sober reflection for me and I just wanted to share a bit of that side of it.