As I sit and type this I glance back and forth towards the picture I have of Rick sitting on my desk. And as usual his big grin and shinning eyes catch my breath! Today, is the 5 th month since Rick passed away. It is almost half a year since I have talked to him. I have debated whether or not to continue blogging but tell myself to hang in there till the first year.
Nothing has really changed much in how I am feeling other than I don't think about Rick every 5 minutes like I did at first. I still cry but not as much or as often. I am still exhausted and I know that will take time. I definately have trouble remembering what I am suppose to do next or what had just taken place. All part and parcel of this thing called "grieving". It has really helped me having the family and friends support that has been very present in my life since Rick's passing.
I have packed up pretty much everything of Rick's clothing etc. So I only have a jacket and a pair of his slippers in the closet right now. I am surprised that I have even come this far in all of this. You don't know what is inside of you until you have to walk it. One thing is for sure, if you haven't walked it, there is no way a person could even begin to understand what it is like to lose your spouse to death.
I have been told countless times how very lucky I have been to have had such a loving relationship with Rick as that is not always the case with other marriages. That is probably why it is so hard at times as I miss our times together.
I was asked if I would be willing to answer some questions by a woman named Linda Della Donna who hosts a radio show on "Voice America" and has a web site dedicated to helping people who are grieving. The web site is http://www.griefcase.net/ . The article is located on the bottom of the page. You will recognize the picture.
More great news...Ricks daughter Colleen had a little (tongue in cheek as he weighed 9lbs 13oz) baby "Moses" in early January. Great way to start the New Year. I also found out that my daughter is expecting for this year. I am very excited as I will be able to be more available to her. It will be her 4th baby! I would not have ever believed she would have 4 children. She never was a baby person growing up!
I kept myself very busy today trying to bring some order to my place. It helped to keep my mind busy so I didn't have to do a lot of thinking. I have been writing in a journal as well and all of that helps.
Sometimes I really wonder what I will be doing and how I will be feeling when that first year comes around. I sometimes just wish the days, months and years would just fly by so that I could be on the other side of this part of the pain.
Loving and missing you Ricki....I have made it through 5 months!
