Welcome

This blog is about a new walk with my husband Rick & I since he was diagnosed with ALS (Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis) or Lou Gehrig's Disease or MND (Motor Neuron Disease) on February 1, 2008.

This blog was started as a way to keep our family and friends and anyone else interested in our battle with ALS updated.
So as you read this blog please keep us in your hearts and prayers.

The blog starts from the most current to the oldest entry. Rick has started to blog now also as of April 1,2008 so this site has become officially "our blog".

My dearest husband Rick passed away on August 13, 2010,
2 1/2 yrs after diagnosis. Now I have to learn how to walk in the courage, strength and bravery that he did in fighting this disease. He promised me he would be waiting for me in eternity on a park bench. Together Forever!

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Joan here..."53 days"

Today, I spent some time with Barb who just lost her husband to cancer a year ago. Her and I go back years and years ago. We walked and talked. We both have our hurt, pain and memories!

I am off to Wpg Thursday(over 1 hour away) for three weeks to house sit! Wow!!! I am not sure I will last that long...probably I will be back and forth...I usually can't go more than 2 days away from here at a time!


It will be a good test for me if I really want to live in the big city! I keep wavering from staying out here to moving to the big city! I feel safe here....I think when you lose your husband you really want a place that you feel safe at. The people are so incredibly supportive and wonderful out here... it is just the fact that there isn't a whole lot of things to do out here.


I have resided myself to the fact that no matter what... I am staying out here over the winter for sure. Then.....????? I am still in that identity crisis mode....


I read years ago about a women who lost her husband to ALS and she moved out west and spent a season on the tourist road until she was ready to come back. It never left me....she could lose herself in a crowd.....and when she was ready she came back and started to focus.....I can honestly say I can't focus more than a moment at a time.


I sometimes think that....if only I didn't love Rick so very much...it would be so much easier. I could just skip a beat and move on......but that is not the case for me.....we were inseparable! I have my times when I really feel he is speaking to me....he uses nature!!! Dah........he loved nature.....


I have been reminiscing about many things.....all the words...all the things he spoke of.....they have all been coming back to me.......and as far as everything I have read that is what happens.


In everything about Rick and his life I have learned to TRUST. He had many opinions and thoughts but he didn't tell others...he just smiled...but he did talk to me! I got to know the Rickster as many of his close friends called him!!! He did not like to "rock the boat".

Rick was always one of those guys who found it easier to just smile! and that is exactly what he did...smile!!!!


In all the years we were together absolutely every photo that was taken he is smiling from ear to ear....when I brought that to his attention...he said " Joan, I am so happy!"


I know he is happy right now...smiling down on us all and wishing all of us well!!!! His words to me were always..."Don't worry Joan...everything is going to be all right!...Don't worry!!!" Bob Marley.