Rick here...You can’t tell where the roses bloom!

Today was a very emotional, shitty day! I woke up feeling very, very stressed. Dying sucks! We have our 9th grandchild coming any moment, my wife lies beside me twitching in her dreams and snoring (okay ---this is where the violins are suppose to start playing…and here I am typing this for Rick –not fair! The snoring part that is!!!)

All I can think of as I see the sun streaming through the window is how much I want to be here for Joan, the kids, the grandkids, for mom and dad and for me. God this is hard! I know the medical realities; I feel the changes in my body. I just don’t want this to happen. It is a tough day…tomorrow will be better, I trust.

I found out that Dunn-rite, Sperling Welding, and many others from the Sperling area , and even one of our competitors in our industry donated to the ALS walk. I was overwhelmed that people who I have never given anything to donated to this cause on my behalf. It is so damn humbling for me!!! I am so thankful!

We went out for a stroll and supper in my wheel chair tonight. We came in to the restaurant outdoor patio area and a chair was in the way. A lady noticed it and jumped up and came over and cleared the chair away so we could get to a table. Small kindnesses mean the world when you are especially in a spot like I am in right now. I had forgotten my cane and was making my way from our table to the bathroom without it. (slow, slightly stumbling, damn sad) and this biker looking guy stopped and held the door for me for about a minute till I got there…I thanked him, and he smiled and said “no problem, bro”. Little did he know how much dignity that gave me at that moment! You can’t tell where the roses bloom!

Appearances don’t matter a damn! That is what growing up in a small town has taught me. The measure of a person is not based on their net worth or appearance but on their character and heart! That is my heritage of being raised in Sperling! My friends from Sperling have proved that!!

While sitting at the Pony Corral, on St. Mary’s Ave. with Joan tonight having supper,
I looked over and saw the bluest sky and the grayest buildings and started to cry. I thought Heaven must be wonderful…look how beautiful the earth is…there is a God!

I also realized that I am not a writer. I am a narrator. I need a mic so I can just speak into it. Otherwise I have to think too much to be happy with what I am writing. I guess when I talk; I feel like I can correct it or elaborate on it in the next sentence. Writing is just too damn precise. Precision was never my strong point. I am more of a shot gun aficionado than a marksman. Kind of funny that my Dad, my brother Garth, and my son Daniel are all marksmen…kind of think Grandpa Fewster and Grandpa Watson were shot gun guys themselves. That may be only my impression because I got along with them so well...but then again I might be the odd ball. Lol They say characteristics jump a generation. So who knows?

We have found that on the hardest days often we experience the most unexpected mercies from the most unexpected people. A young man saw us moving towards the elevator as he came off…the elevator door completely closed…he saw us coming…he stopped and turned around and went out of his way to push the elevator up button and held the door open while Joan pushed me on. We have found that a lot of the young people from the other countries have much compassion and respect for the disadvantaged and old. (HELL that is me now!)

Anyhow…I think I am entering into a new level of blogging in terms of being able to express my inner heart. Something happened to me at the walk…maybe a realization of what really makes a friend, I am not sure, but at any rate something really has happened to me.

I told Joan that I don’t want to die!
I don’t.
I am not afraid to. I just don’t want to now or anytime soon! This whole thing is just so damn hard!!!
Anyhow….more later…
Rick